Yet another day...
For someone wanting write a blog and share his life to leave a digital footprint as it where, I’m really not that good at it, or at least not yet anyway. I guess one has to develop a bit of a work flow to get things “out of my head” and on to the “digital paper” that then will flung out into the vast void of the internet for all, or none, to read. I guess I’ll get the hang of it, maybe.
There are two times of the day that I have come to dislike, one being early morning when one opens your eye’s after yet another non restful sleep cycle. This is the time where my head is full of concerns and possible actions one could do remediate the afore mentioned concerns. The other is the nighttime when one decides to give up on the day and retire to the realm of sleep, which in my case has never come easily. This time of day is easier to deal with than the morning by as a precursor to the actual sleep one can detach and lose one self by watching some streaming programming then listening to an audio book all in the effort to prevent the otherwise inevitable “thinking” that would make sleep next to impossible.
While both of these times I find not exactly enjoyable, the former, the morning at least can be more productive, depending on the direction of the “concern remediation” thought process took. This usually take the form of me sitting down behind my 10 year old mac book laptop, first checking email like an old prospector looking for a small gold nugget that will offer some new and yet unexplored idea that will offer a better solution and any of the ones I had come up with. Alas, however most of the emails are either postings from subscribed news sites or a flurry of AI generated rejection letters from previous days efforts.
So many ideas, some discarded into the “that will never work” pile, some die a miserable death on the digital road the search engine laid path, and some end up as emails, social media postings or other finger flattening that I cast out into the vast unknown of the internet most never to be heard from again, and those that do usually bring little or no “glad tidings”. When all of the morning generated ideas have been exhausted, I usually then turn my attention to search for and completing several online surveys or research studies that litter the digital highway all in the effort to generate a few pennies, literally a few pennies, not to amass any great wealth but more to feel some sort of accomplishment. I must admit though, while initially this act was amusing and occasionally informative, it does grow tiresome as the feeble returns do little to muster much enthusiasm.
I can’t help feeling that I’m missing something, maybe that is wishful thinking, maybe a precognition of something yet to be thought of, but probably the former, or just the desperate thought of am old man approaching his 65th birthday faced with the agonizing waiting for the doctors to call, with a date, to remove this blasted cancerous tumour from my left kidney, that no one invited to the party I might add. While I tell myself that this is just yet another one of those “curve balls” life throws you, and everything will be fine, I still can’t stop thinking that, while the doctors say “this” is something that can be dealt with successfully, there word are nothing more than comforting beside manner lip service that they offer as part of the service.
All this then leads me down the rabbit hole of thoughts, that usually only lead to frustration, that I really need to come up with a better idea for the rest of my life. As the current cycle of job hunting, to return this aging and possibly failing body, back in the work force, all in the effort to bolster the menial coffers seams to be an effort of diminishing returns. Like come on, who am I kidding, who in there right mind is going to hire a mobility challenged, retirement aged, remote worker? Well I would I tell myself, but then I’m never been accused of being your run of the mill, average human being, so there is always that. Couple that with the fact that just because I would hire myself, does little to improve the chance that anyone of those hiring managers will even give a second look at my resume, even if they ever see it after the automated resume filtering software, (ATS), has tossed my submission into the digital waste bin.
So where does all this leave me, I’m not entirely sure I guess it leaves me a the virtual train train station waiting for a yet not yet thought of idea or opportunity to pull into the station, sorry that’s the best metaphor I could come up with, and the only thing I can guarantee is there will be another post when the sprite moves me to share yet another glimpse into my otherwise be fuddled mind.
Till next time...